Taking that step..

As I inched closer towards my late twenties in about a month's time.. I can't help but feel worried. Worried about what the future holds.. how do I earn more to support a family? How can I give the financial security a woman expects? How do I ensure that I'm able to let her live in comfort and allow her the luxury of choosing not to work? How do I make enough to support her, my kids and my aging parents.. also not forgetting my in-laws.

It's really a tall order.

Often, I dream big... maybe too big sometimes. Although I know life always has a way out.. I've to admit I've been a lazy ass lately.. but lazy in a mental sense. Maybe I'm so bottled up with the dollar and cents that I delayed seeking a way out.

Been wanting to further my studies for years now... but till now, I'm still thinking about it. Not the decision whether to study nor the sacrifice of my 'playtime' but rather the cost of getting a degree. Of course I know it's worth it, I also know a degree in our little country now is a bare minimum if you intend to go any higher than an executive.

But to get myself into yet another debt, and adding on to my stacks of monthly instalments involves much more than just a casual thought. Unless I'm confident of the school fees, I know I won't be able to do well in the course.. I want to be 100% focus on school and not be bothered finacially.

Though sometimes I envy friends whom enjoyed the luxury of support from parents, I've learnt not to compare nor complain.. Guess I'll work doubly hard when I know I'm actually financing my own education.

Some failed to see it.. deeming me to be laid back, lazy or just 'bo chap' (can't be bothered in Hokkien). I'll leave it to them for the better judgement... guess I always believe in.. "Time will tell." Maybe I really can't be bothered to explain myself.. wondering why I have to.. since I know it won't make any difference in their opinion anyway and would rather let the results speak. But maybe by keeping mum about many things... I get misunderstood ever so often.

That's just me I guess.