For all the shop-a-maniacs, time to prepare yourselves...
GSS Late-Nite Shopping Returns...
I've come up with the Top 10 tips to a great shopping experience...
1. Drink plenty of water
It helps when you need to shout at the top of your voice over the maddening crowd. Also
comes in handy when replenishing fluids lost through the "Sliver-Dispersing" technique.
(Refer to point no. 2). Not forgetting you can't afford any wastage of time visiting over-
crowded toilets or any breaks to buy drinks.
2. Master the 'Sliver-Disperse' lvl3
An age-old skill passed down from generations of top shoppers. Once a closely guarded
secret, this skill enables you to clear any surrounding crowd to ensure maximum 'grabbing-
area'. Train your spitting skill by contracting your lips to form a straight line. Control your air
pressure & release a steady stream of Sliver. If done correctly, the sprinkle of sliver will
cover a span of 180 degrees. (Warning, Do Not practise if front of your love ones!)
3. Work Out
Never underestimate the weight of the shopping bags. Work out at least twice a day, 5 times
a week, 5 hours each session. Pay special attention to your biceps & triceps area. Not
forgetting your calves & thigh muscles. Be expected to stand for 10 hours straight carrying
10 tons of shopping bags.
4. Rough it out.
Practise your elbowing technique. Very useful in hot sales area. If used correctly, it will ensure
a smooth journey to the Sale trolley. (Note: Use with caution! Improper or over-powered use
will result in a free over-night stay at your nearest friendly neighbourhood police station.)
5. Stand Out.
Height means everything in a crowd. Invest in a good pair of at least 12" platform shoes. Not
only will you be able to spot bargains a mile away, the air 'up' there is also much fresher. Oh,
don't forget to use the 'Horse Stomp' technique. (refer to point no. 6)
6. Horse Stomp 101
A skill that was traced back to ancient times. This special technique allows you to trample any
shoes/boots/heels/slipper/sandals with precise angle & maximum results. As the name
suggests, this technique was mastered with reference to a horse's wild stomping. Position your
ankle at 45 degrees, contract your calves & thighs muscles for 1 second and promptly release
it and stomp down at exactly 45 degrees. Point of contact should be only your heels. Once
point of contact is established, bring your foot down to a flat 90 degrees position & apply
constant pressure for 2 seconds.
7. Tummy Rescue
(Ladies Only) Secure a pillow to your tummy, wear a maternity dress. Look tired & in pain.
You will move through the crowd with ease. (If you're lucky, you might even get to sit on the
crowded foodcourt/rest area/mrt/bus.).
(For Men) Clutches, bandages & cast will produce similar effect as the above.
8. Strategise
A good shopper is only as good as she reads. Scrutinise every available newspaper. Plan &
strategise all your moves. Make sure you arrive at the optimum time. A great shopper never
loses any time. (Book a cab to & fro.)
9. Bodyguards (Optional)
For the privilleged. Hire 2 to four bodyguards... not only are they good for you to move
through the stampede but are extremely useful to unload all your victory gains. (Note:
for users with budget problem, a good alternative is your husband / boyfriend / fiance /
guys who are after you.)
10. Embrace technology
If all else fails. Shop online. GSS has been digitised as well. The only drawback is you can't
savour your conquest immediately.
Ok, here's a little something extra to get you on your way...
