Making "Home" Work

If "you're happy at work, you will ultimately achieve successful work-life balance.." Motivational speaker, David Oliver, stressed the point when he spoke recently at a seminar, At Home With Family. The inspirational speaker and author of Work: Prison or Place of Destiny, says, "When you’re unhappy at work, it will inadvertently affect your family."

But not all of us have dream jobs, you say? He rationalises that it’s all about making choices and finding the right motivation at work. Choose to put passion at work, and passion will continue at home. But work with a heavy heart filled with overwhelming stress, and no doubt, these work "toxins" will spill over into your family life.

Oliver suggests some practical strategies to putting the spring back into work and managing work-life relationships.

Work With Passion
If work is starting to feel jaded, perhaps it’s time to:

• Have a change of attitude worth catching. Tell yourself you can do it, and you will.
  
• Remember that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And the longer we leave a task, the harder it is to get going.
  
• Give unconditionally. Share all your ideas and knowledge at work, for the more you give, the more you’ll receive.
  
• Be a friend. Do to others what you would like done to you. Give a sincere compliment, for instance. Or do acts of kindness, such as giving a little note of appreciation.
  
• Keep an attitude of forgiveness. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Don’t let others get in the way of your passion.
  
• Put people before things and spend time with them, even it if costs.
  
• Welcome change. Fear is what stops us from pursuing new things.
  
• Say no to debt we cannot manage. If we’re constantly playing catch with the bank and credit card companies, the stress can have us in the wrong job, and drive the pleasure out of work.

How to find the common ground between work and family:

1. Lose some guilt
   It’s not about stumbling on that perfect schedule, or that our family demands too much time. The reality is there is just not enough time for you to do everything you are convinced you need to do, or that everyone expects you to do. We have to accept that saying “yes” always means saying "no" somewhere else.
   
2. Go home on time
   Tell yourself you’ll leave the office by 6pm, and it’ll give you the energy and motivation to be more productive and work more efficiently.
   
3. Share your work with the family
   We often separate work and family, and that creates tension. It would be ideal if you’re working together with the family because it’ll be like having a best friend at work. But if not, invite your family into your work place to let them know you’re in this as a family. I’m 53 years old, but till today, I can still remember the great pride I had in my dad when he first brought me to see his office when I was 18.
   
4. Love yourself
   For me, being on my boat alone restores my soul. It’s not wrong to love yourself — if you don’t get it right for yourself, how can you do it for others?
   
5. Respect your partner’s space.
   Likewise, allow your partner to love herself. My wife likes to do jigsaws to relax. Her stuff makes a mess, and it irritates me sometimes, but I must learn to give her space to restore her soul her way.
   
6. Unwind before returning home from work
   Find somewhere away from the immediate noise to do what I call "the stone’s throw," where you skip pebbles on the water. Or find other little routines to unwind before heading home from work, like listening to music in the car.

FATHERS DON’T KNOW BEST
Oliver, who’s also a father to three grown children, has this first-hand advice for dads out there. "Create regular “magic moments” for your family to build lasting memories," he says. You can do simple things such as

• Fly a kite, and have a place you always go and name it. Our family calls ours "Kite Hill."
  
• Take your child out for a McDonald’s lunch on a school day.
  
• Take your wife out to dinner and dancing, just the two of you, at least once a month.
  
• Wake the kids up at midnight, pack a big torch, and drive around to look for rabbits (or any other animals in your context). Then finish with a hot cup of cocoa before tucking them back into bed.
  
• Spend a whole day with your child going wherever he or she wants to go.
  
• Be your daughter’s Valentine. When my daughter left home for Vancouver, Canada to work as a nanny when she was 16, I surprised her one day with a visit and a bouquet of flowers.